danceswithgary (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
danceswithgary) wrote2007-12-25 09:01 am
danceswithgary) wrote2007-12-25 09:01 am
Entry tags:
Fic: The Princess, the Two Dragons, and the Four Knights or How the UDKM Saved the Day - Part Four
The Adventure Started Here
The UDKM quietly edged her way around the huddled knights carrying the valise holding Princess Angeline's favorite pink-striped taffeta gown and second-best tiara, and had almost escaped, when she was brought to an abrupt halt by a hand grabbing hold of the back of her kirtle. Not wanting to rip another one of her kirtles by struggling, the UDKM waited for Sir Freddy to speak, for she knew that it was Sir Freddy holding on tight.
"Where do you think you're going, girl?"
The surprise in Sir Freddy's voice was almost amusing to the UDKM because she knew it was because she had been aiming for the cave entrance instead of the base of Mount Carrock as he might have expected after all her earlier grumbling. "I'm going to fetch Princess Angeline," she calmly informed Sir Freddy, and twitched her kirtle free from his suddenly lax fingers.
She advanced only three steps further before she was halted again, and this time she was beginning to lose her patience. Whirling around, she propped the hand that wasn't holding the valise firmly on her hip and stomped her foot. "Let me go, Sir Freddy. Trust me. I know what I'm doing. This is not the job for randomly swinging swords, even if you had any of those left to swing. I'm going to use that common sense you wanted to have with you on this quest."
Sir Freddy studied the UDKM's determined face and mulled over her demand to be trusted. His black moustache twitched to the right and then to the left before he nodded his head reluctantly and let go of the kirtle. "As you wish, girl. I suppose if you fail, you'll end up in the same condition as our randomly swinging swords and we'll be on our own. While you're attempting to use common sense, we'll continue to huddle some more and devise a cunning sneak attack or some such knightly solution."
Restraining herself with a great effort from rolling her eyes, the UDKM nodded and turned back towards the cave entrance where Alina and McDuff had been watching and listening to the rather loud discussion with great interest. Curtsying politely when she'd approached with ten feet of the two dragons, the UDKM addressed them with the respect due to all mythical beasts. "Oh, beauteous Alina and most handsome McDuff, I crave an audience with your most illustrious selves." She remembered to breathe through her mouth so that the smell of the sulfurous fumes exhaled by the dragons wasn't quite so nauseating.
The two dragons blinked in shock at the UDKM's polite words and hissed at each other in dragonly whispers, which weren't really very whispery at all so that the UDKM could hear them quite easily, although she had a little difficulty understanding their low country accent.
"What do you think we should do, Alina?"
"I'm not sure. She did show up with those rude knights, who were randomly swinging their swords, but then she argued with that knight with the black moustache that twitched so amusingly, and she is very polite and knows how to properly address a dragon."
"Yes, there is that. Why don't we let her into the cave and let her speak. We can always burn her up later if she does something wrong or tries to trick us out of our treasure."
Rubbing their noses together as dragons do when they're in agreement, Alina and McDuff faced the UDKM and chorused, "Your request is granted. Enter." Backing up, they made enough room for the UDKM to squeeze by and enter the cave. It was surprisingly well-lit, considering it was a cave in the side of a mountain, and not a forest or a glen where one would expect to have sufficient light except, of course, on moonless nights. The UDKM noticed that the light seemed to be reflecting off the mound of gold and gems piled in the center of the cave, all of it coming from one solitary torch lodged in a convenient crack in the cave wall.
However, the light was not sufficient to highlight the golden curls on Princess Angeline's head as she stood next to the dragons' hoard with her arms crossed and her pink lower lip pushed out far enough to balance a small fruit on it, a kumquat or grape perhaps, but not a tangerine for that would be much too large. A rapidly tapping bare foot and a great deal of tossing of the non-highlighted golden curls accompanied the extravagant pout.
The first words from the spoiled royal daughter were less than majestic. "Where is my milk and strawberry jam toast?"
By now, the UDKM had reached the end of her patience with knights, melted randomly swinging swords, sulfurously smelly dragons and pouting princesses. She was tired because the ground was extremely uncomfortable to sleep upon, she hadn't been able to take a bath for three days, and if she had to eat bread and cheese one more time, she was going to indulge in a highly satisfying temper tantrum. With narrowed eyes and a sour expression, the UDKM pointed to the nearest wall and rapped out an order. "Go sit down over there and behave like a proper princess while I attempt to sort out this mess you've managed to get yourself into. And stop tapping your foot and sticking out that ridiculous lip!"
Shocked at the UDKM's unexpected tone of authority, Princess Angeline sat down hard with a less than princess-like plop and sat on the chilly cave floor blinking up at the UDKM with her pink mouth gaping wide, which was a small improvement over the pout. Indeed, she was so surprised, that she completely forgot to toss her golden curls.
Satisfied with the results of her command, the UDKM turned back to her hosts and curtsied again. "If you please, most noble of all beasts, could you please explain why you have abducted Princess Angeline? Is there a ransom involved?"
Smoothing out a place to lie down comfortably on the heap of gold and gems, because oddly enough dragons do find gold and gems as soft as the softest of goose-down pillows, Alina sighed and explained, "No, we don't require a ransom. The princess is here in our cave as decoration."
Nodding his head, still quite disagreeably colored aqua and melon with a hint of lavender around the edges, in agreement, McDuff explained even further, "It was about time we had a princess to show off. All the other dragons don’t take us seriously, simply because we're a trifle smaller and have low country accents. They even make fun of us behind our backs because we don't have large chests spilling over with gold and gems stacked up in our hoard. We certainly have more than enough wealth to provide adequate spillage, but we've never been able to carry any sufficiently large chests here."
Alina agreed gravely, "We had quite enough difficulty transporting the princess between the two of us. She's actually quite solid under all that lace, although I must say she has lovely curves which should be a bonus when we display her at our next tea party."
Nodding sympathetically at the dragons' desire not to appear inferior in the company of their peers, the UDKM reviewed the plans she had formulated during the long two days spent riding to Mount Carrock facing to the rear on the back of Sir Freddy's charger. After a minute or two of considering and discarding, the UDKM decided that one and one half of her plans, with a small portion of a third, could be combined to solve both the dragons' and Princess Angeline's dilemmas at once.
Conclusion
The UDKM quietly edged her way around the huddled knights carrying the valise holding Princess Angeline's favorite pink-striped taffeta gown and second-best tiara, and had almost escaped, when she was brought to an abrupt halt by a hand grabbing hold of the back of her kirtle. Not wanting to rip another one of her kirtles by struggling, the UDKM waited for Sir Freddy to speak, for she knew that it was Sir Freddy holding on tight.
"Where do you think you're going, girl?"
The surprise in Sir Freddy's voice was almost amusing to the UDKM because she knew it was because she had been aiming for the cave entrance instead of the base of Mount Carrock as he might have expected after all her earlier grumbling. "I'm going to fetch Princess Angeline," she calmly informed Sir Freddy, and twitched her kirtle free from his suddenly lax fingers.
She advanced only three steps further before she was halted again, and this time she was beginning to lose her patience. Whirling around, she propped the hand that wasn't holding the valise firmly on her hip and stomped her foot. "Let me go, Sir Freddy. Trust me. I know what I'm doing. This is not the job for randomly swinging swords, even if you had any of those left to swing. I'm going to use that common sense you wanted to have with you on this quest."
Sir Freddy studied the UDKM's determined face and mulled over her demand to be trusted. His black moustache twitched to the right and then to the left before he nodded his head reluctantly and let go of the kirtle. "As you wish, girl. I suppose if you fail, you'll end up in the same condition as our randomly swinging swords and we'll be on our own. While you're attempting to use common sense, we'll continue to huddle some more and devise a cunning sneak attack or some such knightly solution."
Restraining herself with a great effort from rolling her eyes, the UDKM nodded and turned back towards the cave entrance where Alina and McDuff had been watching and listening to the rather loud discussion with great interest. Curtsying politely when she'd approached with ten feet of the two dragons, the UDKM addressed them with the respect due to all mythical beasts. "Oh, beauteous Alina and most handsome McDuff, I crave an audience with your most illustrious selves." She remembered to breathe through her mouth so that the smell of the sulfurous fumes exhaled by the dragons wasn't quite so nauseating.
The two dragons blinked in shock at the UDKM's polite words and hissed at each other in dragonly whispers, which weren't really very whispery at all so that the UDKM could hear them quite easily, although she had a little difficulty understanding their low country accent.
"What do you think we should do, Alina?"
"I'm not sure. She did show up with those rude knights, who were randomly swinging their swords, but then she argued with that knight with the black moustache that twitched so amusingly, and she is very polite and knows how to properly address a dragon."
"Yes, there is that. Why don't we let her into the cave and let her speak. We can always burn her up later if she does something wrong or tries to trick us out of our treasure."
Rubbing their noses together as dragons do when they're in agreement, Alina and McDuff faced the UDKM and chorused, "Your request is granted. Enter." Backing up, they made enough room for the UDKM to squeeze by and enter the cave. It was surprisingly well-lit, considering it was a cave in the side of a mountain, and not a forest or a glen where one would expect to have sufficient light except, of course, on moonless nights. The UDKM noticed that the light seemed to be reflecting off the mound of gold and gems piled in the center of the cave, all of it coming from one solitary torch lodged in a convenient crack in the cave wall.
However, the light was not sufficient to highlight the golden curls on Princess Angeline's head as she stood next to the dragons' hoard with her arms crossed and her pink lower lip pushed out far enough to balance a small fruit on it, a kumquat or grape perhaps, but not a tangerine for that would be much too large. A rapidly tapping bare foot and a great deal of tossing of the non-highlighted golden curls accompanied the extravagant pout.
The first words from the spoiled royal daughter were less than majestic. "Where is my milk and strawberry jam toast?"
By now, the UDKM had reached the end of her patience with knights, melted randomly swinging swords, sulfurously smelly dragons and pouting princesses. She was tired because the ground was extremely uncomfortable to sleep upon, she hadn't been able to take a bath for three days, and if she had to eat bread and cheese one more time, she was going to indulge in a highly satisfying temper tantrum. With narrowed eyes and a sour expression, the UDKM pointed to the nearest wall and rapped out an order. "Go sit down over there and behave like a proper princess while I attempt to sort out this mess you've managed to get yourself into. And stop tapping your foot and sticking out that ridiculous lip!"
Shocked at the UDKM's unexpected tone of authority, Princess Angeline sat down hard with a less than princess-like plop and sat on the chilly cave floor blinking up at the UDKM with her pink mouth gaping wide, which was a small improvement over the pout. Indeed, she was so surprised, that she completely forgot to toss her golden curls.
Satisfied with the results of her command, the UDKM turned back to her hosts and curtsied again. "If you please, most noble of all beasts, could you please explain why you have abducted Princess Angeline? Is there a ransom involved?"
Smoothing out a place to lie down comfortably on the heap of gold and gems, because oddly enough dragons do find gold and gems as soft as the softest of goose-down pillows, Alina sighed and explained, "No, we don't require a ransom. The princess is here in our cave as decoration."
Nodding his head, still quite disagreeably colored aqua and melon with a hint of lavender around the edges, in agreement, McDuff explained even further, "It was about time we had a princess to show off. All the other dragons don’t take us seriously, simply because we're a trifle smaller and have low country accents. They even make fun of us behind our backs because we don't have large chests spilling over with gold and gems stacked up in our hoard. We certainly have more than enough wealth to provide adequate spillage, but we've never been able to carry any sufficiently large chests here."
Alina agreed gravely, "We had quite enough difficulty transporting the princess between the two of us. She's actually quite solid under all that lace, although I must say she has lovely curves which should be a bonus when we display her at our next tea party."
Nodding sympathetically at the dragons' desire not to appear inferior in the company of their peers, the UDKM reviewed the plans she had formulated during the long two days spent riding to Mount Carrock facing to the rear on the back of Sir Freddy's charger. After a minute or two of considering and discarding, the UDKM decided that one and one half of her plans, with a small portion of a third, could be combined to solve both the dragons' and Princess Angeline's dilemmas at once.
Conclusion