danceswithgary | Fic: The Shocking Truth About Glinda

Title: The Shocking Truth About Glinda
Author: danceswithgary (danceswithgary@yahoo.com)
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 2900
Archive: Fine, just let me know
Summary: Sometimes it's better to stay in Oz.

Notes: Written for the first

old_school_clex challenge. Prompt: Clark finds himself in a dangerous situation and Lex helps him out. Or it could be an embarrassing situation with a humorous approach. Many thanks to

hils who helped me get by a block and actually write something for her challenge and

jakrar for a quick beta. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Standard Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters herein. The characters of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent as well as any supporting characters are the property of their creators and DC Comics. Gough/Millar Inc and the WB Network TV own Smallville. Any deviations (or deviant behavior) from the originals, however, is mine.

Feedback is both welcome and appreciated.

***

The Shocking Truth About Glinda

***

Lex really wasn't expecting to see Clark at his front door in the middle of the afternoon, let alone standing there shaking, eyes wide in distress, and his arms wrapped across his stomach as if he were in pain. Shocked, he blurted out, "Clark, what is it? Are you sick?" Holding the door wide open, he reached out and pulled Clark inside without delay.

Clark shook his head, shrugged and then nodded before giving up. "No? Well...maybe? I think...but...." He stood in the hallway frowning and still shaking as he tried to explain what was happening, and failing miserably at it.

Supporting Clark with an arm around his waist, Lex guided him down the hall and into his study. He carefully maneuvered Clark around the coffee table to sit on the leather sofa and then took a seat in the chair opposite him. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the arms of the chair, and tried to look into Clark's face as he asked some basic questions. "Can I get you something to drink? I thought you went to the fair with Chloe and Pete. Did something happen to them?" He waited patiently for Clark to look up knowing that too many questions might send Clark running home instead of sharing his problem. His patience was soon rewarded with a mumble from the subdued Clark.

"I think maybe it was the cotton candy."

"Did you eat too much of it?"

"No, I didn't have any at all. I...when Chloe offered it to me I just felt weird and shaky, and I knew I had to get away from it right away."

Lex noted Clark still had his arms wrapped around his stomach as he sat on the couch rocking back and forth. "Did you eat too much of something else and the cotton candy was too much? Do you think you're going to vomit? Should I call your parents?"

"No! Uhh...don't call them. They're still at the fair. I don't want to ruin their day." Clark raised his head and sat up a little straighter, no longer rocking. "I don't think I'm going to throw up, at least I never have before, so I guess I wouldn't know for sure."

Lex looked at him quizzically. "You've never thrown up? I admit I don't get sick very often, but I can't say I've managed to avoid the consequences of overindulging in the past. You've been pretty fortunate, Clark."

Clark nodded. "Yeah, pretty lucky, hunh? I think I'm feeling better, as long as I don't think about the you-know-what."

Smiling, Lex reached out and patted Clark's knee. "All right then, that subject is closed. Now, can I get you something to eat or drink?"

Clark thought for a moment, and then grinned. "Do you have any grape juice? The purple kind, not the white?"

Lex frowned a little. "I'm not sure. I'm an orange juice guy myself. I'll go check. Anything else?"

Clark shook his head. "No, that's fine. You don't need to go to any trouble."

"It's no trouble, Clark. I'll be right back. Why don't you take off your coat and we can play pool or watch a movie?" Lex left the room and headed for the kitchen, prepared to send someone out immediately for the requested juice if it wasn't available. While he was at it, he'd make sure they kept some on hand, as well as any other juices Clark might ask for in the future.

. . .

Returning to the study triumphantly bearing a large glass of 'purple, not white' grape juice, Lex was disturbed when he didn't immediately see Clark anywhere in the room. Concerned that Clark had succumbed to his first attack of severe nausea, and was somewhere in the castle discovering the joys of hurling, Lex hurried to put down the glass on the coffee table so he could commence searching for his missing friend.

As Lex rounded the corner of the sofa, he saw the tips of two feet pointing up at the ceiling. The glass became a casualty as Lex rushed to the side of his friend, who was lying sprawled out on the floor, eyes closed. "Clark!" His heart resumed beating when he saw a pair of green eyes open and a delighted grin bloom across Clark's face. The colored blocks of sunlight streaming through the stained glass window played over Clark's features, highlighting him in yellows, blues and greens.

"Hey, Lex. Did you know it feels really good to lay here on the floor in the sun? It feels the best right here." Clark patted the floor next to him, in the exact center of a block of orchid light. He made no effort to get up, and completely ignored the spreading pool of purple juice.

Lex carefully dropped to his knees beside Clark and scrutinized his face and body, searching for anything different that would explain his odd behavior. "Da Vinci did believe meditation was ten times more effective under purple light, but somehow I doubt you knew that, Clark. Did you eat or drink anything at the fair? Did you meet someone new, perhaps?"

Clark's hand gently caressed the wooden floor where the vivid purple rectangle glimmered, and he left it there palm up when he finally sat up next to Lex. "No, I don't think I ate anything different today. Besides, I feel fine now, really." He frowned as he saw the purple juice soaking into the cuff of Lex's pants. "I really would have liked that juice, though." He stood up and offered a hand to Lex. "Can we go see if there's anymore?"

Lex brushed off his knees after he stood up and nodded at Clark. "Sure, and I'll have someone come in and clean up." He wasn't sure what had just happened, but as long as Clark was feeling better, he'd let it go, just as he let most of what was different about Clark slide.

. . .

Lex pulled into the parking space directly in front of the Talon with a flourish. As he got out of the Porsche, he looked across the street, catching his breath at the sight of Clark sauntering down the sidewalk next to Chloe. The sun gleamed off his glossy black curls, his smile radiant as he laughed at something the petite blonde had said.

Just as Lex decided to call out to them, Clark halted to hold the door for an elderly woman exiting the dog grooming salon, located directly across from the Talon. She thanked Clark and yanked on the leash attached to her wildly yapping poodle, which had obviously just had its pink-tinted curls groomed to fantastic proportions. Lex watched in amazement as Chloe began yanking on Clark's arm. He had lurched back, his face frozen in a rictus of horror at the miniscule canine's frenzy, gripping his stomach with both arms. Lex, reminded of Clark's actions a few days before, hurried across the street to assist Chloe.

"Clark, it's okay, really. It's just Mrs. Treadwell's dog, Fifi. She won't hurt you." Chloe was still trying to get Clark to respond as Lex approached. She looked up gratefully when Lex took over. She moved a few steps forward and addressed the older woman. "Mrs. Treadwell, why don't I help you put Fifi into the car?"

Lex dismissed Chloe and the barking nuisance from his attention, and concentrated on Clark. Deliberately interposing his body between Clark and the pink menace, he took his hand and patted it gently. "Clark, it's me. It's all right now. I won't let that filthy beast near you." Reaching up, he turned Clark's face so that he was looking into Lex's eyes. "Can you see me, Clark?"

Clark blinked twice before his face relaxed and a tentative smile appeared. Looking down in embarrassment, he slowly pulled his hand back out of Lex's, leaving Lex feeling oddly disgruntled. One large finger did return to stroke the cuff of Lex's lavender shirt, right where it extended past the sleeve of his jacket. "You wear a lot of purple, don't you, Lex?" The blinding grin that accompanied the non sequitur left Lex speechless, and he watched in complete bemusement as Clark caught up with Chloe and began to cross the street to the Talon. He didn't move until Clark's laughing invitation to join them penetrated his daze.

. . .

"Hey, Kate! Where's Lana?" Chloe's question was directed to the busy girl behind the counter, who grimaced and pointed over her shoulder towards the back. With a shrug, Chloe headed for a table, Clark following close behind. Lex frowned when he realized he would have to meet with Lana in the office. He would have preferred to sit with Clark and talk about what had happened outside.

"C'mon, Lex, grab a seat!" Clark's laughter drew Lex like a magnet and he decided Lana could wait. He took the remaining chair at the small table and signaled one of the waitresses to take their orders. He requested his usual cappuccino, while Clark and Chloe debated on whether to try one of the new drinks being offered. In the end, Clark settled on a mocha latte and Chloe went for a strawberry milkshake.

Drinks ordered, Lex sat back in his chair watching Clark bantering with Chloe about an assignment he had turned in for the Torch. There was no indication that anything was wrong with his young friend, and if Chloe hadn't been there too, Lex might have thought it was his imagination. Chloe cleared up that doubt when a remark about pink poodles brought a frown to Clark's face and his hand back to his stomach.

"Clark, you've never been afraid of dogs before. What happened back there?" Lex waited for Clark's answer, wondering if he was going to hear yet another badly-constructed lie.

"I don't know, Lex. You're right, I'm not afraid of dogs. It was weird. I got all shaky again, like the other day." The puzzled look that passed over Clark's face left Lex concerned that there was something serious going on.

"Has this happened before? Do you..." Lex's questions were interrupted by the arrival of the drinks and he waited for the waitress to leave before continuing. Unfortunately, he never got a chance to finish before Clark stood up so fast his chair tipped over and bolted for the door. Chloe looked up from her milkshake in shock and shook her head at Lex's silent question. Throwing down the money to cover the drinks, Lex hurried out the door after Clark, but found the street outside deserted. Rubbing the back of his neck, Lex returned to the Talon, not looking forward to a session with Lana and the books.

. . .

Lex observed Clark as he ate his pizza and drank his soda without any hint of what had been bothering him the day before. Once again, Lex had held back his questions in the hope that Clark would trust him with whatever it was that was bothering him. Sighing, he reached for the remote, only to have Clark snag it from under his hand with a laugh. "Oh no you don't, Lex. You said it was my choice tonight."

Shrugging, Lex settled back into the sofa and put his bare feet up on the coffee table. He'd changed into sweats and an old tee shirt when he'd arrived home, anticipating the casual evening with Clark. The faded purple tee had a screen print of Jimi Hendrix in performance. Lex had teased Clark about it, asking if he was 'experienced' and laughing at the blush that bloomed across his cheeks. Lex wondered how far Clark had gotten in his pursuit of Lana, but then frowned when he realized he hoped not too far.

The rapidly changing stations on the wide-screen television finally registered and Lex watched quizzically as Clark would give a five-second once-over to each program before advancing to the next. Lex was fascinated by the play of emotion across Clark's face in the dim light of the room, amusement, dismay, disgust, boredom all flashed by at lightning speed as program after program was assessed and rejected. One reaction had Lex paying more attention to what was on the screen each time it appeared. It was a grimace of pain and a clutch of Clark's stomach that alerted Lex.

"It's Morphin' Time!"

"Sugar. Spice. And everything nice. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls. But Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction... Chemical X. Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born."

"Sandy, Sandy! Beauty is pain."

The relentless flipping of the channels stopped on a black and white scene depicting a rising wind and a young girl in pigtails. Clark leaned forward intently, remote forgotten. Lex chuckled. "I haven't seen this in years."

"I remember watching it with my mom and dad every year. Mom would always sing along with the music while Dad just grinned at her." Clark settled back with a sigh of contentment, dropping the remote to the table.

The peaceful atmosphere began to dissipate when the scene shifted to color and Clark began to shift in discomfort. Rubbing his stomach, he began to reach for the remote, but Lex beat him to it. "Clark, what's wrong?"

"I don't think I want to watch this after all, Lex. Let's switch to something else."

Lex shook his head slowly, keeping the remote out of Clark's reach. "Clark, we need to talk about this. There's definitely something going on with you."

"You have no power here! Now be gone, before somebody drops a house on you!"

Eyes frantic, Clark jumped up from the sofa and headed for the door, but once again Lex beat him to it and Clark was forced to stop before he crashed into his friend. Lex used the remote to turn off the television before throwing it back on the table. Grasping his arms above the elbows, Lex gave Clark a little shake. "Clark, you have to trust me. I just want to help."

Dropping his head in resignation, Clark returned to the sofa where he collapsed in a disconsolate heap. "Lana kissed me."

Lex couldn't prevent the sputter of laughter that escaped at the unexpected confession. Clark's head came up and his look of distress cut Lex's ill-timed humor short. Composing himself, Lex sat down next to Clark and tried a more sympathetic approach. "Isn't that what you wanted, Clark?"

"I thought I did. But it felt awful, Lex. I just wanted her to leave and I didn't know what to do. She kept touching me and I was shaking and I felt...."

Lex frowned. "Felt like you did with the cotton candy and the pink poodle...and the pink milkshake and.... Clark, is the color pink making you sick? Was Lana wearing pink that day?"

Clark looked at Lex as if he were insane. "What other colors does she wear?"

Lex felt the laughter creeping back up and ruthlessly shoved it back down. "I'm sure she does own clothes in other colors, but it is a fairly common color for her."

Clark nodded. "Yeah, like you wear purple." Clark's hand wandered over to stroke down the nearest sleeve of Lex's shirt, a demure smile teasing at his lips. "When pink makes me sick, your purple helps. You help."

Lex cleared his throat and tried to bring his racing pulse back under control. Clark's hand was causing havoc in multiple areas and Lex was glad his shirt covered his sweats and helped conceal his inappropriate response. "Pink makes you think of Lana and you get sick because you don't want to kiss her. Is that it?"

Head down, Clark continued to stroke Lex's shirt as he nodded and mumbled, "And the house. When the house killed the witch. It was just like when...you know Lana talks about her parents a lot." There was a small sniffle. "I think I hate Glinda." Lex waited, unwilling to break into Clark's confession. "If I clicked my heels three times like she says I would have to, so I could go back home, I wouldn't be in Kansas anymore." His dark head rose and tear-dampened eyes caught at Lex's heart. "My home's not there anymore, Lex. It's gone." His hand stilled and Lex missed the stroking. "I'm the last one, Lex. There's no one else."

Pulling Clark into his arms, Lex felt Clark's tears slide down his neck, dampening his purple shirt. Rubbing his back and kissing his cheek, he murmured promises that Clark would be safe in Oz, that he would take care of Clark, and that he would never be alone again. Many kisses later, lying in each other's arms, Lex told Clark how comic books with purple on the cover always sold better, and that he'd always preferred Warrior Angel, and that he was the luckiest man in the world because now he had a real alien superhero to love.

. . .

"I got a postcard from Lana today."

"That's nice, Clark. How is she doing?"

"She's fine, says she's having a wonderful time at the Sorbonne and that she really appreciates you setting it up for her, Lex."

"Can I see it?"

"Well, it's sort of...I threw it away."

"Why?"

"It...I....umm. How did she manage to find a postcard with a pink car in Paris, Lex?"

fin

Lana's Postcard - Click for Full Size
***

The IM convo that launched this fic:

Val: Thanks. I'm trying to work on ATAP right now, 'cause Whispers is still stuck. I'm starting to get a little worried that this may be the first challenge I won't meet.
hils: Oh no, and it's mine! *sobs*
Val: I think I'm going to move Whispers to a non-challenge and try to write you something funny instead.
hils: YAY! Funny is good
Val: Now I just have to figure out something funny that Lex have to 'save' Clark from.
Val: has to, losing my grammar
hils: LOL
Val: Help me. What can Lex save Clark from?
hils: Maybe a meteor mutant decides she has to have Clark's babies and keeps trying to get him into a compromising position
hils: Knowing how scared of women Clark is, that could be amusing
hils: or...
hils: Clark gets turned into a girl
hils: or...
Val: Ok, that's a thought. I was thinking maybe Clark discovers a fear of pink - don't like sex changes much.
hils: LOL
hils: Oh, yes, Clark discovers a fear of pink and then of course he keeps having to hide from pink princess Lana
Val: That's it. Clark is afraid of pink and doesn't know why until Lex figures it out and sends Lana to Paris to save Clark
hils: And he realises purple counteracts the pink so he has to hide at Lex's
Val: So now I need a list of scary pink thinks and happy purple things
hils: Ok, this is fun
hils: Scary pink things: Dyed poodles, Glinda from The Wizard of Oz (this should be the last thing as Glinda and Lana are identical. LOL), Barbie, The singer Pink,
hils: A pink limo
Val: Mary Kay Cosmetics?
hils: Yeah, I was going to say cosmetics
hils: The Pink Ladies from Grease
hils: Pink baby clothes
hils: Pink carnations
hils: Pink tutu
Val: OK, now I need shades of pink
Val: Fuchsia
hils: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink
hils: rose, magenta, pastel, shocking
Val: I never thought to use Wiki - LOL OK, the Story is called The Shocking Truth About Glinda
hils: YAY! I like it!
hils: I always title mine when they're finished. LOL
Val: I have to have a title before I start - I'm weird like that. It tells me what the story is about.
hils: That makes sense
Val: For me. Not everyone works the same way.
Val: OK, I'm going to work on this now and you get a credit as my brainstorm helper.
hils: WHEE! And I just started writing too
hils: At 1am *sighs*
Val: giggle
hils: Better late than never I guess
Val: I just found the best site: http://www.sensationalcolor.com
It has symbols, meanings, quotes etc. on colors. This is going to be such fun!
hils: LOL! You're having fun with colours and I've got Clark contemplating his own mortality I think you got the better deal
Val: I just read that During the Silver Age of comic books those with purple on their cover sold better. Hmmm, Warrior Angel has a purple costume and Lex can lecture Clark. Oh this just keeps getting better.
hils: LOL!
Val: "But, luckily, he kept his wits and his Purple crayon."
from Harold and the Purple Crayon (1955)
Val: “Violet has the shortest wavelength of the spectrum. Behind it, the invisible ultraviolet. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Poor violet, violated for a rhyme.”
Derek Jarman
English Film Director, Stage Designer, Artist and Writer, 1942-1994
hils: And of course the amazing band Deep Purple
Val: purple prose: an elabrorately written poem or paragraph in liteature.
Val: The message you send by driving a Purple vehicle: Creative, individualistic, original
hils: Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix
Val: born to the purple: a person who is born into a noble or royal family.
Val: lay it out in lavendar: very cool, relaxed and in control
hils: I want Chloe or someone to buy Clark some cotton candy at the fair and he screams and runs away
Val: Leonardo da Vinci believed that the power of meditation increases 10 times when done in a purple light, as in the purple light of stained glass. Lex is going to have Clark meditate sitting in the light from the stained glass windwo and YES to the cotton candy - that starts the story. You're a genius!
hils: Then Lex can give him some plumbs
hils:
Val: Grape juice
hils: Yes!
hils: LOL! Your fic is much more fun than the doom and gloom I'm writing
Val: It better be!
hils: I'm already giggling and I haven't read anything yet
Val: Maybe I'll just paste in the convo
hils: LOL!
hils: Here is the fic in IM format:
hils: It'd be different
hils: It'd be different
hils: Clark has to hide behind the couch during a viewing of Grease
Val: I'm dying over here, I just pasted everything into the fic header so I don't lose it. He also hides when Glinda comes on in the Wizard of Oz. Lex doesn't understand because the flying monkeys used to be what scared him.
hils:
hils: He sees a pink poodle and everyone thinks it's rabid because of the way Clark reacts
Val: When Lex traces it back - it was because Lana cornered Clark in the barn and kissed him
hils: The poodle should have a most unscary name like Pinkie-Winkie or something
hils: Whilst wearing pink
hils: and talking about her dead parents
Val: lots and lots of pink
hils: and her princess outfit
Val: and the necklace which reinforces the sick-making aspects of the pink
hils: Yes!
hils: Oh, I do love crack!fics
Val: Can you say crack!fic?
hils: Yes, I just did
Val: Jinx!
hils: *crosses self or whatever you're supposed to do*
Val: Depends on where you learned it. Funny fic has you not able to say anything until someone says your name.
Val: Doesn't work well on IM
hils: LOL
hils: No, I guess not

Remix - The Truth About... (The Man Behind the Curtain Mix)

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

hils.livejournal.com

Hee! You know how much I love this fic already but I thought I'd say it again

Love that you've included the IM. Now everyone can see just how crazy we are *snickers*

*smooch* Thanks for taking part in my challenge

From:

Making Them Happy One Story At A Time

Fic: The Shocking Truth About Glinda

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