Fic + Art: Virtually The Same

[danceswithgary]

Title: Virtually The Same
Author: danceswithgary
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, McKay/Keller
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Highlight here => Could be considered character death - nothing explicit - but I personally consider it a happy ending for McKay/Sheppard. See Notes at the end for more details.
Spoilers: Potentially through S5 - AU after 'The Shrine'
Word Count: 10,000
Archive: Fine, just let me know
Summary: When John wakes up, he's in his quarters. Alone. The last thing he remembers is walking through the gate on M3G-434.

On AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24434

Comments

[djaddict.livejournal.com]

Almost didn't read but since I know how you like the happy endings (like me), I trusted you.

Very nice and sweet. Just a little sad.

Good story.

[danceswithgary]

I'm always leery of stories with death warnings myself, so I'm thrilled you gave it a try. Definitely sad in places, but I'm glad you could see the positive, too.

Thanks so much!

[mornincamper.livejournal.com]

I ♥ this!

and I run screaming from character death fic. so, there you go.

I'm in complete agreement with you (and Rodney) they're very much alive to me, and I'm delighted the "real McKay" (god, thank you for avoiding that Very Bad Pun) included the ferris wheel and - heh - delorean. Very very them, and a truly enjoyable read. (not to mention philisophically and existentially brain tickling - which is a bonus!)

Nice work.

in fact, a sequel would certainly work...*g*

[danceswithgary]

I'm always leery of stories with death warnings myself, so I'm thrilled you gave it a try. Even better, you liked it. :-D

I can't say there would never be a sequel because who knows what my brain will come up with next but, since this was an intensely personal piece, probably not.

Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed it!

[binkii822.livejournal.com]

how very poignant! But delightful! Thank you for sharing it!

[danceswithgary]

Definitely more than a bit of sad, but I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway. Thanks so much for commenting!

[enviropony.livejournal.com]

That was really cool, and a great ending. (And I love that Ronon knew, but Teyla didn't. It's just the right sort of contrast between fact, "reality," and spirituality.)

I love stories where Rodney and John go on in digital format, especially where they get to do bizarre stuff that isn't possible in real life. (Heh, what does the DeLorean actually do?? Does John get to make flaming wheel marks with it?) I always figured that as self-aware creatures, what defines "life" for us is our consciousness. Doesn't matter where it is.

[danceswithgary]

I'm so glad you caught what I did with Ronon vs. Teyla! It was interesting thinking through the anticipated or actual reactions of the various characters to John's situation and handle them without a lot of exposition on Rodney's part.

I think John's going to get Rodney to think of how to get the DeLorean to the mainland where he's built a racetrack - then flaming wheel marks might just be in his future. *grin*

Thanks!

[black-wolf.livejournal.com]

This made me cry in a good way.

Like you I am living with a disability and I don't tend to leave my house (I've gone out about 4 or 5 times in the last year). My husband worries about me and my family think that it isn't a proper life. But I feel lucky. I have a great big internet family and I explore the world a lot electronically.

Your John in this story is the perfect illustration of there is life after disability.

Sorry it's a sappy review, but it is a briliiant story.

[danceswithgary]

Not sappy at all. When I write a story that makes me cry, then I expect at least a few other people might be affected. I'm glad it was in a good way for you.

I think this is one of the most self-revealing stories I've ever written. I'm glad you were able to discern the hope in spite of restrictions, which is so important to me.

Thanks so much for commenting and sharing a bit of your own story!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

I read this, because I know you don't write unhappy stories, though there were parts of this, like the real world Ronon and Rodney having to say goodbye, that were truly very sad. Rodney definitely did the right thing, though, and I'm glad that John and Rodney are going to have a good, long and adventurous life together.

This story reminds me a lot of The Body Holographic (http://leahwoof.livejournal.com/tag/the+body+holographic), which I wrote with springwoof. They both deal with the idea of 'virtual' versus 'actual' existence, but that one isn't nearly as hopeful as this.

[danceswithgary]

I'm always leery of stories with death warnings myself, so I'm thrilled you gave it a try. It's definitely sad in places - I was dripping tears myself while writing some parts.

When I started this a few months back, I tried to make sure it wasn't too close to the plot of any of the existing VE stories, and then it seemed like I was finding new-to-me examples all over the place and almost gave up. In the end, I think it skims by at least pieces of or questions raised by The Body Holographic, OK Computer, Time In A Bottle and Running On Empty (probably more). If nothing else, those stories made me try to think through different solutions and deal with open questions (ie. why not clones?).

In the end, I had to make it hopeful because it is very personal, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks!

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

Please forgive me if I implied that this was derivative--I was only fascinated by some of the similarity of ideas and wanted to share that with you.

I'm very glad that you didn't give up on this story, because while it does touch on some of the same ideas, it presents them in a new, much more positive light.

I did indeed enjoy it. Thank you. :D

[danceswithgary]

No problem, you only pointed out something I became aware of as I wrote. It was just odd to have all the VE stories seem to pop out of the woodwork after I'd started, but it was more likely I became more aware of them. :-D

Thanks again!

[seliki.livejournal.com]

I loved it, you write such believable stories. I can see this one happening and it is awesome...I think Morningcamper is right we need a sequel for more awesomeness.

[danceswithgary]

'Believable' is a lovely compliment! Thanks!

I can't say there would never be a sequel because who knows what my brain will come up with next but, since this was an intensely personal piece, probably not.

Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed it!

[helenkacan.livejournal.com]

Okay, you've pushed many of my buttons which is why I've been laughing even though there are still tears in my eyes. ::glances at you warily:: Damn, you're good!

There were so many satisfying elements to this. But I think you broke me with

I'd already spent nine months, thirteen days, and seven hours missing you.

The idea of Rodney missing John, every hour weighing him down, and making these decisions is overwhelming.

OTOH, the first time Rodney showed up and touched John made me feel so good, because it re-established a physical connection between them (even though I knew it was within a virtual context). But, then, John's confusion about the strange feeling of thirst was unsettling. Then you throw in the playful interludes such as the game of dominoes. I can imagine how impressive that would be.

John's desire to protect a Rodney from the Rodney choked me up. So I was more than relieved to know that the Rodney wouldn't upgrade his virtual self.

The most amazing thing (among an entire list of them) is that you managed to give Rodney and John a life together for ... EVER, while having Rodney and Jennifer go back to a more normal existence on earth. That's a brilliant way of solving that conundrum and satisfying both camps.

Finally (oy, I'm being so talky), I'm grateful that you included your personal notes at the end. I'm in the same boat, raging that my body is falling apart. [And, I'm starting to cry again, because this is personal.] If I had the chance to live forever with full health in a virtual reality (let's not even mention if it resembled Atlantis), I'd grab it, but only if there were at least one other person in there. ::ponders:: Hmmm, I wonder if I can convince my best friends!

Thank you again so much for something that transcended angst or hurt/comfort. The best thing for me is that you took the noblest elements of Rodney from The Last Man and turned this story into a warm, pulsing gem filled with hope.

[danceswithgary]

I have a tendency to push my own buttons along with other people's, so I can certainly sympathize with the tears/laughter. :-) As you saw in my notes, the subject of loss and disability makes this one of the most self-revealing stories I've ever written. I'm glad you were able to discern the hope in spite of restrictions, which is so important to me. From your comment, it is to you too.

I agree that I wouldn't want to enter a VE like that unless I had at least one person with me (Gary, of course) and dancing would be high on the list of things to enjoy.

Thanks so much for commenting and take care!

[busaikko]

This was gorgeous! The virtual reality technology raises a lot of questions about what could happen, and this scenario is very plausible given the dangers of the galaxy and Rodney's stubbonness and genius. Lovely resolution. Thank you!

[danceswithgary]

Plausible is a great compliment - I tried very hard to fit the problems and solutions into what's been revealed in canon, along with some hand-wavy computer tricks. :-D Thanks so much for letting me know it worked for it.

[rosiepaw.livejournal.com]

I'm usually quite wary of anything with character death warnings, but after reading your notes, decided to give this a try and am very glad I did. It's more like character life - everyone is able to go on with their lives, including both Rodneys. I'm reminded a bit of Speranza's OK Computer.

Also, I don't see everyone as having the intelligent, imagination and sense of humour to spend the rest of their lives in a world where there's only one other person - but I think John and Rodney have what it takes. :-)

[danceswithgary]

I'm always leery of stories with death warnings myself, so I'm thrilled you gave it a try.

When I started this a few months back, I tried to make sure it wasn't too close to the plot of any of the existing VE stories, and then it seemed like I was finding new-to-me examples all over the place and almost gave up. In the end, I think it skims by at least pieces of or questions raised by The Body Holographic, OK Computer, Time In A Bottle and Running On Empty (probably more). If nothing else, those stories made me try to think through different solutions and deal with open questions (ie. why not clones?).

I agree both men would be able to handle the solitude as long as there was the other - we've see both their intelligence and playfulness in canon, and it seems as if neither of them are gregarious. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and thanks!

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Okay, I have a serious thing for John/Rodney in virtual environments and living forever, and another serious thing for fics that explore just how far they'll go to save each other and be together. So, buttons hit on all counts, there.

This is so good. I love it. I love the structure, the characterization, the slow reveals, and the relationship you develop between John and Rodney. And I love the ending.

[danceswithgary]

Those are certainly some of my buttons and I'm glad I hit them for you too. :-D Thanks so much for letting me know what you liked about it - structure and characterization are what I tend to focus on the most, so yay!

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is brilliant. Utterly heartbreaking, yes, but still leaving me with a smile. *saves to favourites*

[danceswithgary]

It is indeed sad, but I'm glad you were left smiling at the end. Mission accomplished!

Thanks!

[korilian.livejournal.com]

Cogito ergo sum (Man, who knew I'd get so much millage out of that stupid mandatory philosophy class. Still it seems to fit. The whole soul existing separate from the body thing... :)

[danceswithgary]

I suspect that may have been Rodney's mantra as he tried to make it all work. Thanks so much for commenting! :-D

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

Oh, I loved this.

[danceswithgary]

Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed it! :-D

[gottalovev.livejournal.com]

I really like this. I have a fondness for them finding love in a holodeck virtual environment and it perfectly fits with my idea of a happy ever after. this is lovely!

[danceswithgary]

Love In a Holodeck sounds like a great name for a story! :-D

Thanks for letting me know you liked this.

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

vividly imagined! well done.

[danceswithgary]

Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed this! :-D

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

well, it wasn't much time, but I read your fic just before I fell asleep, and wasn't very coherent.

I wanted to let you know that I particularly liked the detail wherein Sheppard knew *something* was wrong, because he couldn't smell or taste anything, and nothing hurt, and emotions "felt" far away. And it was interesting the way the upgrade changed things to improve them.

I also liked that Sheppard "approved" of his death and that he "died" how he would have wanted to.

It was also pretty interesting to see Rodney having his cake and eating it too, in that he was so desperate for Sheppard to LIVE that he came up with his desperate, Hail Mary plan to preserve some aspect of John, and then he allowed a version of himself to join John in the environment so that he could have John to himself forever. At the same time, he recognized that in some sense, John *was* dead, it would be healthy to grieve and move on, which he *also* did (what with marrying Jennifer & everything). Very complex depiction of Rodney. And yes, I can see the Rodney of canon--who tried so desperately to save Elizabeth, who dedicated his life to bringing Sheppard back in the OldRodney episode--doing something very much like this if he had the opportunity.

And I *loved* Ronon as the matter-of-fact safety valve, keeping an eye on Rodney and providing John an escape if he really wanted one....

[danceswithgary]

How wonderful of you to come back and supply details of what you liked!

I love writing slow reveals (of course the warning sort of ruins it a bit) and having John notice everything's a bit off was part of it. Rodney's need to 'improve' on the Ancients was also a piece of it - of course his VE would end up being better.

'Having his cake and eating it too' is a perfect way to put it. By deliberately using a time differential, I allowed Rodney time to move through the initial stages of grief and yet kept John's reactions more immediate (didn't want him suffering alone for months). The 'real' Rodney had even more time and was able to reach acceptance and I'd like to think it was knowing John wasn't alone that helped him.

Ronon has always struck as the most straightforward of the team, no nonsense even if a bit likely to leap before he looks. Having him as Rodney's anchor and John's safety valve. felt natural.

Thanks again!

*hugs and squishes your comment and calls it George*

[chaps1870.livejournal.com]

Wonderful premise and story.

[danceswithgary]

Thanks so very much. *twirls*

[michelel72.livejournal.com]

I liked this. The different levels of the virtual environment work really well, especially John's disorientation at the restoration of sensation. (That came out a bit doggerel, sorry.) I liked too that Rodney felt guilty over not offering John the choice and that Ronon very explicitly did offer John a choice.

As for sort-of-deathfic — to me, one of the more hurtful aspects of deathfic is the grief of those left behind. I certainly think that John is as alive as matters (and McKay's statement that he's not a murderer, in reference to what he knows is an electronic copy of himself, is telling). John is deprived of the society that meant so much to him, and that is sad, but they're all deprived of him (except Rodney, of course, the sneaky guy). John does get to continue, so it's not a deathfic for him, but it is from the perspective of everyone else, especially as all but R&R don't know about the VE. I dunno. I read (and write) stories with death, so it doesn't bother me, but the distinctions do intrigue me.

Anyway. Very enjoyable. And yay for Ferris wheels!

[danceswithgary]

Thanks so much for pointing out what you liked about this story! Changing the VE as a progression along with John's learning the truth was one of the pieces I had in mind with the start, along with the difference in Rodney's and Ronon's actions in the situation.

...to me, one of the more hurtful aspects of deathfic is the grief of those left behind. You put that so well - that's exactly the problem I have reading deathfics or missing-for-a-long-time fics. Some I never make to the end, others I read once to appreciate the writing, then stick them in a folder labeled YOU-WILL-CRY and usually never read them again. Choosing to keep the story in John's POV let me cheat a little on the grieving, although some made it inside there anyway.

And yay for Ferris wheels! :-D

[pixiequeen10thk.livejournal.com]

I absolutely adored this. I agree with your viewpoint that he is still alive. I think it would have been difficult for him to keep going with no-one else in the environment but then of course Rodney is a genius and found a way to give John companionship :). I think the person I feel most sorry for is the "real" Rodney. My heart ached for him having to move on and the poor bugger ending up with Keller. lol sorry not a Keller fan. I think the McKeller relationship is a destructive one. You should never try to change the person you're with as it ends up hurting both of you. Since it is kinda AU I'd like to think the Keller in your fic is more like the season 4 version, who I actually quite liked.

As for John and the "copy" Rodney. Yes it's sad that they won't see the rest of their friends but they have eachother and lets face it their own playground with no worry of court martials or wraith attacks. In a way they get the perfect happy ending.

[danceswithgary]

I like to think they have many years of possibilities in front of them - both so smart and still hadn't lost the ability to play. Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed! :-D

[mific.livejournal.com]

This was great - and interesting, with the two versions of Rodney aspect. I kind of worry about them (in the VE) across the long haul as I don't think human consciounesses are meant to last all that long and stay sane. I suspect they'll work it out, though and at least they'll do so together.

[danceswithgary]

I worried about leaving them in there forever too, that's why Rodney hid a kill switch for them. When they're ready, they can call an end. Glad you liked it and thanks!